A Dear Diary Moment

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Looking back, it was inevitable. I tried to avoid it, to drown it out with work and school and the kids when they were little. I tried to circumvent it through pure will-power, effort, and force. I was not a statistic, a victim, or weak. I insisted that I was above average and quite “aware” — just a little stuck.

But what a Hero Journey that makes… What a peak, crescendo, zenith, a climax. Since my story couldn’t get much lower, any move would have me come out on top in comparison. I was a shoe-in. A sure winner. …


You waltzed into my life in the oddest of ways

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*****10/10, would recommend: A testimonial — Volume 1.

We can’t always know what brings people together. I think it is usually something small and seemingly insignificant, forgettable, or mundane. One of those life moments where it is only in retrospect that we are able to see the importance. Similar to the butterfly effect in chaos theory, something happens and our trajectories are set: parallel paths become perpendicular. Whatever it was, something hit our proverbial cue balls and created a pivot point.

I remember the exact moment, but that detail doesn’t matter right now. I was on the doorstep of change with a bifurcating path in front of me. I felt lost as everything I understood or had worked for had been set on fire. Not literally, of course, but I certainly felt as though I was sifting through ash looking for fragments of me. …


random rainy morning thoughts

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What are you here for? What can you do with this winning lottery ticket called LIFE? You have a one-way trip. Just this one. Make it count. Make it matter. Make it mean something. Be a force to be reckoned with. Listen to that fire inside… that burning desire that smolders at your core and aches to give more, to do more.

Walk the world with your eyes wide open. Take it all in. Notice the way the scent of the air is different during sunrise and sunset. Count the rings on tree stumps and watch cloud formations float on by. …


Memoirs of a Mama Bear

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Brilliance. Staring into flashes of memory. My kids when they were little. My son as a baby, how warm his round head would get when he was sleeping. My daughter not even five, and obsessed with black and white scary movies. The excitement of picking Halloween costumes, and their small faces seeing Christmas presents under the tree. Them peering over my shoulder as I did homework, asking when I would finish and come play. Knock-knock jokes, peanut-butter-and-jelly, velcro light-up shoes. Summer nights with roasted marshmallows and lightning bugs, movies, and popcorn. …


A Just-Get-to-the-Point Metaphor

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The night feels darker when lost deep in the forest. Cradled under treetops and cloaked from the light of the sky, everything looks different. Once-familiar paths shift unexpectedly and snake-like, veering off at odd angles. The dark is dramatic, altering every little bit of light and making shadows reach towards us from around corners.

With our flashlights, we illuminate narrow hallways between the trees ahead. Regardless of how bright, nothing is ever clear. North looks the same as south, and east the same as west. …


Or the gift of the mid-life crisis

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“We will never be here again.” ― Homer, The Iliad

When driving through a dense fog, only the next few feet are visible before you. Everything beyond your sight is unknown.

When we were young adults, the foggy vision of our future loomed before us, vast and limitless, making us feel excited and alive. Our life ahead was mysterious because it was undefined and undetermined, making it full of possibilities.

Eager, we paced restlessly at the gates, listening for the gun to sound so we could race out into the fog ahead, each of us our own spinning galaxy, full of Potential. …


and went to play in the woods instead

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Last January, I walked away from a job that I initially loved and had worked hard to get. Structural changes trickled down and leadership had a massive turnover. New management came through and the environment became toxic.

I felt lost. I realized that I had wrapped my entire self-image and self-worth into my career. I am not sure, but it might end up being a chip on my shoulder for the rest of my time on this planet. The experience changed me profoundly.

Unfortunately, nearly all of my friendships were work-related. It is rather embarrassing and it hurts to say, but losing the shared atmosphere caused my friendships to dwindle quickly. …

About

Rai Marie Hughes

Wanna be wanderer, worshiper of words, writer of rough drafts. Maker of mistakes and strong coffee. Reading you — it’s what I do.

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