day 19

People have a tendency to disappear.

The first I remember was 40 years ago this month. *poof*

And there have been a few in a row; then a few in a row — followed by a few in a row — ever since.

And maybe sometimes now I prefer to sit still, the seat next to me empty.
A preemptive cut to the chase kinda thing.

Maybe.

…Because now my heart can’t handle temporary people.

Because once I love, I love loyally.
And genuinely.
And that cannot be undone.

Even if they…. well……
(so many even ifs)…
and, that’s okay because love is forgiveness, too.

To the few that have stayed — the friends that have become the family I never had — I cherish you.

Your own volition is the truest love.

(I am not the only one — but it’s a hard topic to write about without sounding like a tiny sad violin — so many of us don’t write about it, and that can feel like shame.)

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”
Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

Wanna be wanderer, worshiper of words, writer of rough drafts. Maker of mistakes and strong coffee. Reading you — it’s what I do.

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