So Much Life Left to Live
“Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven’t the answer to a question you’ve been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you’re alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”
― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth
I am not where I wanted to be. Not anywhere close to where I thought I would be. Rounding the corner on my mid-forties and not much to show for it. I should have done so much more. I would do things so differently…
I had it stuck in my head that I would have everything all figured out. I imagined exciting vacations, passionate weekends in bed, a just-the-right-size house.
The financial worries of young adulthood and the teen angst identity existential crisis far behind me.
Yet, here I am. And yes it could be worse. And yes I have done pretty well considering my past.
But that doesn’t meant that I can stomach where I currently *am*.
And maybe that is a good thing.
I am not where I want to be — so this is hardly the time to become complacent and be accepting.
But I can work towards being kinder to myself. I beat myself up over mistakes I made.
And I am here to remind me that I did the best with what I had at the time. And I really did.
I am going to continue doing the best with what I have. Maybe I will end up being where I need to be.
Or maybe I will come close. And maybe not — maybe I will surprise myself and do something amazing.